Yesterday was the day that Riley was due. I was supposed to go to a day spa in honor of it, however I decided my husband & I needed to see (aka new glasses) more than I needed to be pampered. So instead I worked my 10 hour shift at a fast food place. It's probably better that I was working so that I wasn't thinking.
On the positive side of things, I found out Monday that I am pregnant again. I haven't had a doctor confirm it yet, will do that next Thursday, but I'm pretty excited. Or I'm trying to stay that way. I'm having no problems being excited and talking about it. My problem is feeling attached to the baby. I know I've only known for a few days, and guessed it for a few more, but I find myself trying to distance myself a bit. I'm so scared that I'll lose this baby like I lost Riley that I'm shutting down about it. I'm trying to give it to God though. It's hard.
Have any of you had a miscarriage and then worried when you've gotten pregnant again? How did you connect to the life inside of you through that worry? Any suggestions?
2 comments:
There's not a lot of activity on this blog so I don't know if you are still working on it but I have something to give.
I had 2 daughters and then 3 miscarriages in a row. I never named any of them. I felt I lost the idea of the baby more than the baby. I felt like the baby I finally got was that baby trying to get here. I think it is different for everyone. Anyway, they were devastating. One needed a D&C and one was when I was on vacation. Ugh! The first one was almost 5 years ago and it still makes me sad. When I finally got pregnant with my 3rd daughter I sobbed and sobbed all I could think was I was going to lose another one! At about 9 weeks I went to the ER bleeding. Everything was OK but it practically put me over the edge. That baby is now 3 1/2 and she has a little brother too! The amazing thing about miscarriages is we actually survive and go on and thrive. It forever chaged my thoughts of pregnancy and I didn't even tell people I was pregnant with my last 2 babies until I was about 5 months and couldn't hide it. The magic was gone from that part. I will never ever be the same but I'm doing pretty dang fine, and don't think of it too much anymore (I do get scared for amyone when they get pregnant and announce it early though)and I appreciate these little ones and the miracle so much more than I did before the miscarriages. I hope those thoughts help you and anyone who may come across this.
Angela, thank you for sharing your story. THere isn't much activity here because I don't really have a lot of readers (aware of the vicious circle with that) and I have been REALLY sick lately. So far so good with my current pregnancy. Just had my first ultrasound and things look great so far. :) I hope to get more into this blog once I'm feeling better.
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